Against the Stupid Holidays

Written on National Bacon Day. Published on National Bobblehead Day.

Stupid holidays are stupid. People think they’re innocuous.

I don’t.

They profane what ought to be honored. Just as a contest that awards trophies to its losers cheapens the value of winning, assigning holidays to trivium trivializes them. They remove the scarcity that drives the perception of value.

Yet holidays should not be trivial. They should designate momentous occasions. Most understand this but are apathetic. Their apathy did not emerge with stupid holidays but was reinforced by them. Its existence is tragic because apathy destroys interest in the magic and the mundane. So the trivium fades with the tremendous.

But the tremendous should be kept. It can be kept. Holidays can regain their allure. Several acts must be done before the magic can return. No single act is sufficient; we must slay the imps and the archlords. The stupid holidays are the imps.

I know them.

We can slay them.

Protestantism as the Origin of Stupid Holidays

Written on Make Up Your Mind Day. Published on National Pass Gas Day.

The roots of stupid holidays can be traced to the Protestant Reformation, which reshaped Western religious culture. Before Protestantism took hold, Catholic theology gave profound meaning to the calendar. Saints’ days, feast days, and holy days of obligation punctuated the year, creating a rhythm of sacred observance. Each day carried theological and cultural significance, honoring saints, martyrs, and pivotal events in the story of Christianity. They served as moments of reverence and communal anchors, binding society through shared rituals.

Protestant theology, however, diverged sharply from Catholic practices. The Protestant Reformation sought to remove what reformers considered excesses and distractions. Saints’ days were among the first casualties. Protestants viewed the veneration of saints as idolatrous and their feast days as superfluous. A narrower focus on Christ alone replaced holidays honoring individuals.

This theological shift had cultural consequences. Protestantism eliminated a significant portion of the sacred calendar by removing saints' days. It erased the community-oriented celebrations that imbued daily life with meaning and replaced them with a more austere approach. The only major holidays that remained were those deemed explicitly scriptural, like Christmas and Easter, and even these were sometimes downplayed in more rigid Protestant traditions.

But nature abhors a vacuum. With saints’ days gone and religious observances pared back, something had to fill the gap. Over time, society began creating new celebrations detached from theological or cultural depth. Protestantism didn’t directly invent stupid holidays, but it created fertile ground for them. As the sacred diminished, the trivial flourished.

This erasure of saints’ days marked a turning point. The once-rich calendar was gradually diluted into something superficial, paving the way for the rise of meaningless celebrations like National Donut Day. The profound scarcity that once made holidays special had been undone.

Cheap Marketing as the Source

Written on Chocolate Covered Cherry Day. Published on I’m Not Going To Take It Anymore Day.

The next blow came from business. Companies saw the potential in holidays: what better way to sell products than to tie them to a cultural event? A holiday without meaning is a marketer’s dream—a blank slate ready to be etched with slogans, sales, and hashtags.

Valentine’s Day wasn’t always about chocolates and overpriced roses. Halloween wasn’t always a billion-dollar costume extravaganza. Yet here we are, with holidays designed not to celebrate but to consume. Businesses co-opted these occasions, stripping them of any residual meaning while amplifying their profitability.

But even this exploitation isn’t confined to traditional holidays. The rise of “Hallmark Holidays” proves how marketing invents celebrations to fill the calendar. Secretary’s Day, anyone? It’s a relentless pursuit of novelty for profit’s sake.

Celebrities as a Tributary

Written on Tom Thumb Day. Revised on National Smith Day, a day dedicated to Will Smith and his family.

Celebrities have also jumped on the holiday bandwagon. For them, these “days” are golden opportunities for branding. Social media amplifies this phenomenon. A celebrity posts about National Avocado Day, and suddenly, guacamole sales skyrocket.

These trivial celebrations spread like wildfire, fueled by hashtags and viral trends. The public joins in, creating memes, posts, and events, all while celebrities and influencers cash in on the attention. They make the trivial seem monumental. The cycle feeds itself until every day feels like a hollow performance.

The Cost of Stupid Holidays

Conceived of on National Whipped Cream Day.

Stupid holidays rob us of the magic that makes celebration meaningful. A genuine holiday feels rare, like an island in everyday monotony. It gives us something to anticipate and cherish. But when every day becomes a "holiday," the allure fades. Instead of moments of escape and reflection, holidays blend into the mundane.

This dilution creates apathy. If everything is worth celebrating, then nothing is. National Ice Cream Day and National Selfie Day are trivial occasions that demand attention but fail to evoke genuine joy or connection. They teach us to expect less from our celebrations, reducing them to fleeting distractions rather than profound experiences.

The Societal Cost: Eroding Collective Reverence

Written on Swiss Cheese Day, whereupon the holy is reserved for the holey.

Holidays are cultural glue. They bring people together to honor shared values, history, and achievements. But stupid holidays cheapen this function. How can a society hold onto reverence when it wastes energy on the trivial?

Consider the Fourth of July, a day meant to honor the birth of a nation. It competes for attention with National French Fry Day, which falls in the same month. When trivial celebrations dominate the cultural conversation, they diminish the weight of meaningful ones. It’s not that French fries don’t deserve love, but should they truly share the same stage as Independence Day?

Stupid holidays contribute to a society that struggles to prioritize. They foster a culture that forgets the power of focus and reverence, replacing it with a shallow buffet of meaningless options.

The Personal Cost: Losing the Depth of Meaning

Considered on National Erica Day. Written in contempt of National Karen Day.

On a personal level, stupid holidays demand energy without offering much in return. They clutter our calendars and overwhelm us with obligations—posting a picture, buying a themed product, acknowledging a day that’s here today and forgotten tomorrow. These are celebrations designed for the moment, not the memory.

Think about the emotional impact. Birthdays, anniversaries, and religious holidays carry profound personal weight because they matter to us. They’re tied to deep emotions and life experiences. But when every day is another opportunity for superficial acknowledgment, we lose the ability to truly honor essential occasions.

Holidays should help us connect with ourselves, our communities, and the things we hold sacred. Stupid holidays do the opposite: they disconnect us from meaning and distract us from what truly matters.

Government Authority as the Means

Written on Whipped Cream Day. Revised on Old Rock Day, a day dedicated to old rocks.

Governments have long been arbiters of holidays that are worthy of official recognition. By designating national holidays, they signal what a society values most—freedom, labor, unity, or remembrance. These decisions have the power to shape cultural priorities and reinforce collective identity.

But with great authority comes great responsibility, and governments have not always wisely wielded this power. While monumental occasions like Independence Day or Veterans Day deserve their place, the creeping inclusion of lesser holidays often reflects political pressures or performative gestures. The result? A calendar increasingly cluttered with mandated celebrations that lack the gravity to justify their recognition.

Bureaucratic Inflation of Holidays

I do not wish you a Happy Mew Year.

Government involvement can also lead to what might be called “holiday inflation.” What starts as a niche observance can gain official status through lobbying, political maneuvering, or populist sentiment. Declaring new holidays often feels like an easy win for policymakers—a way to appeal to specific constituencies without the heavy lifting of substantive reform.

Take Arbor Day, for example. What began as a well-intentioned environmental initiative has become largely symbolic. Its official status doesn’t inspire widespread tree planting but token recognition. The same dynamic applies to countless other government-recognized observances, which feel more like bureaucratic checkboxes than genuine celebrations.

When Authority Abdicates to the Trivial

Time to deflate National Cream Puff Day.

Governments may also legitimize trivial events by embracing “awareness days” or promoting celebrations that originated as marketing ploys. The line between meaningful and meaningless blurs when official proclamations endorse everything from National Pancake Day to obscure causes that, while well-intentioned, don’t warrant national observance.

This abdication of discernment has consequences. When government authority is used to elevate the trivial, it diminishes the weight of its most significant holidays. National holidays should inspire collective reflection and unity, not serve as fodder for fleeting social media trends.

A Call for Discernment in Authority

The Anglosphere does not recognize second breakfast as an authentic meal. But it recognizes Second New Year.

Government recognition is a powerful tool that should be wielded with care. Instead of rubber-stamping holidays for popularity or appeasement, leaders should focus on preserving the sanctity of holidays that truly matter. Authority has the potential to protect what’s meaningful, but it must act with intention and restraint to do so.

Sacrilege as the End

Written on Orthodox Christmas.

Stupid holidays are sacrilegious. They take what should be honored and render it ridiculous. At its core, a holiday is meant to stand apart, to symbolize something transcendent. It should uplift, inspire, or evoke reverence. Stupid holidays do the opposite: they mock the very idea of sanctity.

Consider how holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving have been commercialized to absurdity. The spiritual essence of these days—whether it’s the birth of Christ or gratitude for life’s blessings—has been buried beneath mountains of sales flyers, plastic decorations, and obligatory social media posts. What’s left is hollow. The sacred is turned into a spectacle, and the spectacle erodes what once held meaning.

The Trivialization of Reverence

Deed done on Davis Day.

When every trivial concept gets a holiday, the reverence reserved for the monumental is diluted. National Coffee Day might be amusing, but its existence alongside Veterans Day or Memorial Day feels insulting. These superficial observances don’t just clutter the calendar; they cheapen the experience of genuine commemoration.

Reverence thrives on scarcity. It requires that we choose carefully what we honor. When the calendar is stuffed with trivialities, we lose the ability to distinguish between the profound and the pointless. And when everything is celebrated, nothing feels worth celebrating.

Cultural Consequences of Sacrilege

I’m feeling underappreciated on Take a Poet to Lunch Day.

This trivialization harms not just holidays but also culture. A society that treats the sacred as frivolous becomes incapable of experiencing the transcendent. The apathy bred by stupid holidays affects celebrations and bleeds into how we approach everything, from relationships to religion to the pursuit of truth.

This sacrilege is the endgame of stupid holidays. It isn’t just about the days themselves but what they represent. They symbolize a culture that has lost its ability to honor, to reflect, to stand in awe of anything larger than itself.

Restoring the Sacred

Quietly quit your job on I’m Not Going to Take It Anymore Day.

The antidote to this sacrilege is conscious action. We must reject the trivial and reclaim the profound. This means investing with intention, investing our energy in holidays that carry weight, and refusing to let the sacred be overshadowed by the superficial.

Sacrilege doesn’t have to be the end. It can be a wake-up call. But only if we recognize it for what it is and choose to fight against it.

Plan of Action

Follow this plan because it’s easy, you’ll win, and it creates opportunities for more meaningful victories.

Step 1: Start Local: Why Local Representatives Are Key

Have a missourable Missouri Day.

The fight against stupid holidays begins with local representatives. Local governments often have more influence over the recognition of holidays than people realize. While national holidays are set at the federal level, many trivial observances gain traction through city councils, county boards, or state legislatures. These bodies pass proclamations or resolutions recognizing lesser-known “holidays,” often with minimal scrutiny or resistance.

Why target local representatives? Because they’re accessible. Unlike federal lawmakers, they’re more likely to engage directly with constituents, and their decisions often have immediate, tangible impacts. They’re also accustomed to addressing smaller, localized issues, making them more receptive to seemingly minor concerns like eliminating stupid holidays.

Step 2: Crafting a Persuasive Case

Carefully considered on Run it Up the Flagpole and See If Anyone Salutes It Day.

When approaching local representatives, focus on the practical reasons for eliminating trivial holidays. Elected officials are likelier to listen if you frame your public interest and efficiency argument.

Key points to emphasize:

• Dilution of Importance: Explain how recognizing too many holidays trivializes the celebration concept and reduces the impact of truly significant days.

• Administrative Burden: Highlight the unnecessary time and resources spent drafting, passing, and publicizing resolutions for frivolous holidays.

• Constituent Interests: Argue that these holidays don’t reflect the values or priorities of the majority of constituents, making them a misuse of government focus.

• Potential for Positive Change: Eliminating trivial holidays could make room for more meaningful observances or reduce the noise on the calendar.

Step 3: Why Politicians Are Likely to Listen

Coincidentally written on National Write to Congress Day.

Politicians thrive on visibility and community engagement, particularly at the local level thrive on visibility and community engagement. Addressing a relatively noncontroversial issue like stupid holidays allows them to demonstrate responsiveness to constituents without stepping into politically divisive territory. By their very nature, Trivial holidays don’t provoke strong opposition, making their repeal a low-risk, high-reward move for an elected official.

Additionally, addressing these holidays is a manageable task that can be accomplished without requiring sweeping reforms or significant legislative effort. Representatives often welcome the chance to deliver small, tangible victories that show they’re “listening to the people.”

Step 4: Steps for Contacting Representatives

Are you feelin’ it on World Braille Day?

1. Identify Your Representatives: Start with city council members, county commissioners, or state legislators. Their contact information is usually available on government websites.

2. Send an Email or Letter: Be concise, professional, and specific. Explain your concern about the proliferation of trivial holidays and why you believe it warrants attention.

3. Request a Meeting: Ask for a short meeting to discuss your concerns in greater detail. Elected officials often prioritize constituents who engage directly.

4. Present Concrete Examples: Bring a list of specific holidays you believe should be eliminated, along with data or anecdotes to support your argument.

Step 5: Likely Outcomes and Impact

Trying not to spill the beans on Dry Beans Day.

Efforts to reduce stupid holidays will likely yield results because they focus on low-stakes changes. Politicians can respond without alienating their base, and repealing or de-recognizing a holiday is often straightforward.

Over time, these small victories can lead to broader cultural shifts. As trivial holidays disappear, the calendar regains its sense of purpose. People may view holidays with renewed respect, creating a collective revaluation of what deserves celebration.

Get it?